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Re: Psychology
You have the beginnings of an interesting poem here, but there isn't much joining the three stanzas together. What you do have is good, there just needs to be more ...
Feb 1, 2010 -
Re: Unholy Masquerade
Hey Mr. Knightley! not sure how much help I can be where punctuation is concerned - it's always tricky in poetry. People have their own styles, some people think it ...
Feb 1, 2010 -
Re: Frost Tangible
This is great. Your imagery is vivid and interesting; I felt a bit like I was there. What also makes this poem interesting is how you've indented the lines. I ...
Feb 1, 2010 -
Re: Mirror
Hey! I really like this. I think your imagery and description is very good and vivid. I think you mean "continue" though, because "iron boots" is plural. I don't really ...
Feb 1, 2010 -
Re: 26,000
This is quite a cute poem, and it did make me smile. However, it also made me wonder what its point was. If you could incorporate a clear, strong message ...
Feb 1, 2010 -
Re: the walrus sings at midnight
I really like this poem - it's interesting and original. I think it would be even better if you could make all the lines relatively the same length, just so ...
Feb 1, 2010 -
Re: Sins
Hi! This poem has a very strong message, which is good. You did lose the rhyming at the end, though, and your meter is a little off - try counting ...
Feb 1, 2010 -
Re: The one way street.
Hi! I think this poem flows really nicely, and you put your ideas across well in a small space. The rhyming is good, and I only noticed on a second ...
Feb 1, 2010 -
Re: What we want.
Hi there! I think the main problem with this poem is where your line-breaks are. It makes it a little difficult to read, but while in some places it does ...
Feb 1, 2010 -
Re: Christmas
This is a very interesting poem. I don't often find poems in such a story form on YWS, so it makes a nice change. When I first read it, I ...
Feb 1, 2010 -
Re: Red Stripes, White Stripes, Our Stars
I really like this poem. It's well written and emotional. I just have a few small nit-picks. In the second stanza, I think you should replace the full stop after ...
Feb 1, 2010 -
Re: You're Never Alone
Hi! I thought this was quite sweet. However, I think it sort of lacks rhythm. Maybe it's because some lines are quite a bit shorter than others, I'm not sure. ...
Feb 1, 2010 -
Re: Le Poem
Hey! I'm not particularly keen on poems about writing, but it is a subject matter we should all be able to relate to. And it is definitely light-hearted and fun, ...
Feb 1, 2010 -
Re: Inheritance
Hello! I really like this. The first stanza sounds a little disjointed because the lines are so short. However, none of the other stanzas have this problem and in the ...
Feb 1, 2010 -
Re: Woes Behind Curtains
Hello! After reading the first couple of lines, I kind of expected this to rhyme. I don't really know why, I was just surprised when it didn't, but it's not ...
Jan 31, 2010
